Closing Time

by Susan Cameron

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
-- from "Closing Time" by Semisonic


Please excuse me for not leading off with a quote from Plutarch or Nietzsche; I have a head full of pop music lyrics, and the one above is a favorite.

That line has a particular resonance for me lately because of the accelerating pace of endings in my life and the lives of my friends. Three of us have had mothers die this past year, which is sad; but all three were difficult people who made life difficult for those around them, and their dying was not only inevitable, but in many ways a relief.

I did feel a pang in my chest when I opened my stationery box, saw that I was out of note cards, and realized it didn't matter -- I only mailed them to my mother, and she wasn't there any more. The twinge passed quickly, because I knew death was the friend who took my mother by the hand and left her Alzheimer's behind. I like to imagine death escorting her to a lounge in the afterlife filled with kindred spirits, all pretty and thirtyish again, drinking highballs, smoking Salems, laughing with each other and flirting with the piano player.

There's no soft way to point out that her death did not alter the fabric of my life, as cold as that sounds. There were two thousand miles insulating me from the day-to-day grind of dealing with her and caring for her. But, since I did apparently inherit some sort of caretaker gene, I spent an increasing and inordinate amount of time watching over and caring for a dear old friend who slid into dementia over the past year or two. It was time to call his adult children, and they turned him over to health care professionals. There are pangs at the finality of closing files and tidying up the last loose ends, but the sadness I feel at my buddy's predicament doesn't change the fact that I've got big swaths of my own time back.

And there it is: new beginnings coming from endings. My cat died months ago; now I've got my buddy's wonderful dog. I sold my business; now we have time to go traveling in our truck and camper. Tomorrow's my last day teaching Longevity Stick exercises; next week I'll start sending my elderly students postcards from the road, and they'll enjoy that too. Something is finished, and there is end-of-an-era wistfulness; but another thing begins, filling the space that had to empty out to make room for it.

Carly Simon had a huge hit, "Anticipation," as I was graduating from high school. The truth of the chorus, "These are the good old days," made me catch my breath as I stood in the doorway between one phase of life and another. But I think I'll give Green Day the last word:


Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
-- from "Good Riddance" (Time of your Life), by Green Day

Copyright 2011, Susan Cameron