The Cassie Chronicles

Welcome to The Cassie Chronicles, a collection of fictional vignettes featuring the adventures of veteran new home sales representative, Cassie Petersen. Cassie’s been at this job a long time, through the many ups and downs of the real estate market. She’s seen her share of difficult people, both customers and co-workers, and situations that have been challenging, sad, heartwarming, funny and even downright disgusting. It all depends on who happens to walk through the sales office door and the stories they bring with them.

Today’s episode takes place at the Bella Vista model complex where Cassie is the Sales Manager and introduces one particular nemesis, the dreaded Vice President of Marketing.

Pillow Talk

“Oh God, Cassie, here comes Skinny Bitch,” my assistant, Sarah, said.

Skinny Bitch is Tina Masterson, our Marketing VP, and sure enough, there was her icy white Mercedes in the parking lot. I’d just spent half an hour on the phone trying to keep a skittish buyer from canceling. I was in no mood for Skinny Bitch.

Tina got out of the car, smoothed her black pencil skirt over narrow hips and put on her suit jacket. After flipping her long jet-black hair away from her face, she reached back into the car. I hoped at least she’d brought the granite samples we desperately needed, but all she retrieved was a clipboard.

I girded for battle.

“Hi Cassie,” Tina chirped as she swept into the office.

“Hi Tina. Good to see you,” I sang back. I can turn on the charm, too. After twenty years of selling new homes, I should get an Oscar for my acting. “What can we do for you today?’

Tapping the clipboard, she said, “I’m walking the models. We have to put our best foot forward, you know.”

Skinny Bitch has rules about our models, including having scented candles she personally selected burning all over the place, even in the models. We don’t have any.

“Where are your candles?” she asked right away.

Deciding not to tell her that customers hated the smell, I said, “I think they’re a safety hazard.” Tina’s frozen smile cracked. We’ve disagreed about this point before. But she hadn’t seen the little girl who held her sister’s finger in the flame or the little boys playing catch in the Plan 1 living room. She thinks parents watch their kids.

Lips pursed, Tina started through the models with her clipboard, but soon was back in the sales office.

“I’d like to show you a few things,” Tina said curtly.

I followed her into the Plan 2 model like a naughty child.

“The fireplace isn’t lighted,” she said.

I reiterated my spiel on the dangers of open flames in the model homes. Her eyes narrowed.

“Hmmm,” she said and moved into the family room.

“The pillows aren’t fluffed right,” Skinny Bitch scolded. “Let me show you,” she said, grabbing a pillow. “Plump it up, place it on the sofa and karate chop in the middle. Like this.”

Her karate chop left a calculated dent in the pillow top, puffing out the sides like fat cheeks. She handed me a pillow. “Now you do this one.”

I sucked it up and obliged, plumping, placing and chopping the next pillow. My karate chop was especially energetic. It felt good.

“Nice job,” Tina said. “Let’s plump all the pillows today, then you teach everyone the plumping process so the pillows always look right. In this challenging market there can’t be enough attention to detail.”

Then where are my granite samples, I grumbled to myself? How many homes will plump pillows sell?

That was yesterday. Today when I arrived, people were already waiting at the door, including our new temp, Judy. I sent her to open the models while I talked to the customers. After I got them squared away, I realized that Judy still wasn’t back. I was about to go check on her when she finally returned.

“I’m sorry it took so long,” she said, a little breathless. “Someone made big dents in all the pillows and I had to fix them. Do you realize how many pillows there are in four model homes?"

Oh, boy, do I ever.

Copyright Liz Zuercher, 2009