A Poem of Grrrrr-atitude

Thanks to you
I have hated myself
Thanks to you
I have wished I were dead
Thanks to you
I have learned how little value I have
Thanks to you
I have demanded the impossible of myself
And resented you for my own inadequacies
Thanks to you

Thanks to you
I have failed
Thanks to you
I have not gone after my dreams
Thanks to you
I do not even know what my dreams are
Thanks to you
I have allowed myself to become mired
in a web of confusing and constricting emotions and thoughts
Thanks to you
My anger flairs and I want to lash out
Thanks to you

Thanks to you
I have had to learn self control
Thanks to you
I have had to learn not just to bite my tongue
(“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”*)
but to bite my thoughts – allowing my breath to become louder than they are
Thanks to you
I am learning to allow the awful just to be – apart from myself
Thanks to you
I am learning the lesson that life is what I make it,
that my life is what is inside my head
and that you really have no control at all –
All thanks to you

Thanks to you
I have had to find the quiet place, the sweet place, inside myself
Where you are not as you are and yet where you are allowed to be just as you are

Thanks to you

*Thumper in Bambi (repeating his mother’s words)