In My Room

by Nancy Grossman

This piece is back story for a novel that the Tasty Sauce quatrain is writing independently and as a group. Each participant has adopted a character, and Louee is mine. Louee was born a lover of the esoteric and unusual. She’s a New Age/60’s devotee who believes that the world finally caught up with her during that period of time. It is 1964 and she is about to start college at UC Berkeley.  One of her best friends, Emma, and Emma’s finance, James have driven Louee to school.  After getting Louee her room assignment, the unsuspecting duo are roped into helping her bless her room so that the energies can be just right.

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Louee, Emma, and James walked down the hall noting room numbers and names.  “You know,” Louee said, “713 adds up to 11, and 11 is a master number. It has a very high vibration.” She beamed at Emma who beamed right back. James, on the other hand, rolled his eyes. Louee spotted this and retorted, “Numbers are very important. As a matter of fact, I think you should let me help you pick a date to make sure that everything is in alignment on the day of your wedding.”

“Hmmm. That might be a really good idea,” said Emma kindly. She looked up at James, smiling who looked back at her with his forehead furrowed.

“Don’t look at me like that. I think Louee’s idea might be fun.”

James put his arm around Emma’s neck and whispered into her ear. “You are too nice. And I mean that, too nice.”

“No I’m not. I really do think it would be fun.”

“We’re here!” exclaimed Louee pointing to the black metal numbers bolted to the door.

The two names, Louise Robinson and Judy Lucknower were carefully hand printed on yellow construction paper and affixed with masking tape.

Louee stood silently looking at the names. She closed her eyes, put her hand on her heart, took a deep breath, opened them, smiled. She put the key in the lock and turned it revealing the small room. “I’m really surprised about this,” she said pointing to the sign. They asked me what I wanted to be called, and I wrote Louee.” She took a purple marker from her purse, crossed out Louise and wrote with a flourishing hand: Louee.

              “Why don’t you legally change your name? That way they’ll have to put Louee on everything,” asked James.

              “I’m using it as a test. How I react when I see the name Louise written out gives me information about how I’m doing spiritually. I was actually okay seeing this, I didn’t feel annoyed at all.”

“Then why don’t you just leave it?”

“Because I don’t feel like a Louise, and I don’t want people to start out by calling me Louise, so I changed it.”

              “So spiritually things are groovy right now?” asked James.

              Both Emma and Louee looked at him. “Groovy?” said Emma putting her hand on James’ forehead, “I’m a little concerned; if this place is affecting James like this, then what’s it going to do to you?”

              “I will just become more of who I am! Let’s get started!”

              “No, no, no. Let’s go eat. I’m starving!”

“James,” said Louee, “I really want to do my room clearing first. I have a Snickers Bar if you want it.”

“Yes,” said James. “I want it.”

There were two tall dressers and two skinny closets in the room. The beds were bunk beds and Louee chose the top.

              “What happens if you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night?” asked James.
              “I won’t. I sleep very soundly. Besides, it’s an energy thing. Bunk beds can be weird. My sister and I had them and when she was on top I got into her dreams, and in the morning I never felt quite right. It’s like her energy was leaking down into me. It’s easier for me to deal with energy that floats up than leaks down.”

“Oh,” said James, “of course. Where’s the Snicker’s bar.”

“Jeez, you are impatient!”

“Hungry. I’m hungry.”

              “Look, there’s a great ladder on the side at the foot of the bed, and a cute little shelf next to the top bunk. That’ll be a great place for my stones.”

She looked around “Ug! Where am I going to put my suitcases? Could you guys take the big one back home and my parents can just store it for me? I won’t need it for a while, and the little one will fit nicely under the bed.”

              “Sure.” said James.

              “Okay. Before we put anything away I want to smudge the room and set up some stones. Then we can go get dinner somewhere, maybe there’s a cafeteria opened, or we could go back to those cute shops on Campus Drive.”

              “I vote for cute shops on Campus Drive,” said James.

              “I’m okay with either, said Emma.”

              “Then cute shops it is,” said Louee.

              Louee opened up her carpet bag and pulled out an ornate box inlaid with beautiful swirls and Asian-like designs. She also pulled out a Snickers bar that she handed to James. She placed the box on one of the chests of drawers and reverently opened it. She looked down and smiled at the contents. She pulled out and deeply breathed in the scent of the three long blue smudge sticks made of dried sage leafs tied together with red string. She then took out of a gold mesh bag and lovingly handled several dozen stones of various shapes and sizes. She placed them gently on the lid of the now closed box. She had stones to enhance luck, bring clean and clear energy into the space, enhance communication and connection, and one stone for love. She had never used this stone because she had never felt that the time was right. But it was now. She could feel it. She knew that her Soul Mate was right here on the Berkeley campus. “I’m so happy to be here. It feels so good, and I love my roommate’s name Judy Lucknower. It’s like someone who has luck now. This is going to be a very important year for me. This is going to be the year when my Kundalini really begins to rise. I need to find a great yoga teacher.”

              Louee rummaged around her suitcase and found an elegant multicolored shawl with gold and silver threading throughout. She dramatically yet elegantly placed it on her shoulders. James and Emma held tight to one another’s’ hands. James was obviously having a hard time keeping his face in a neutral stance until he looked at Emma’s longing eyes. He knew she wanted to go to college. Not Berkeley, never Berkeley, but she did want to get an education. She was smart. She was probably smarter than Louee, and perhaps even smarter than he was, but she was stuck at home with her family. Without a mother, she became the mother. It was amazing to James that Emma was even willing to take this three day get-away.

              He turned to Louee who was beaming. “Bless you both for being here and being witnesses for me as I begin my new life! I love you so much!” and she spontaneously hugged them both.

Louee had always been far out and esoteric. She’d always counted on cards and stones and ancient Runes, and her own strong and sometimes wacky inner guidance to make decisions and run her life. She generally did not seem to judge others and most people saw her as Teflon. Some kids called her the Teflon goddess and they could be cruel. There were a group of kids interested in the esoteric side of life, and she participated in her share of séances, classes, and encounter groups, but she often found that these turned out to be blame sessions and opportunities to reveal and then get stuck in the negative aspects of life. She preferred to forgive and move on.

She could find something to appreciate in almost everyone. She was not blind to how she was perceived, and things did, sometimes, get to her. The people she could really be herself with were Emma, Kate, and Georgie. They were the only ones who got to hear her doubts and fears, but generally she was the one who bolstered spirits. The four girls had been friends since early elementary school. They knew, accepted, and trusted each other completely.

              Louee let go of Emma and James. “Really, thank you two for doing this with me. Three is a much more powerful number than one. I’ve got everything ready,” said Louee, and she did. The candles were lit. There were three sticks of sage, and the stones ready to be placed all over the room. She placed these things on a beautiful silver tray on the floor in the middle of the room. She then took out a small cassette tape recorder from her suitcase set it up on the dresser, and hit the start button. Chanting and flutes filled the small room with meditative music. Louee took a deep breath. This was heaven to her.

              “What do we do?” asked Emma.

              “Let’s all sit together right here on the floor with the candles in the middle. I’ll start placing the stones, but first, let us call in the spirits of light to bless us. Now James, I know you’ve never experienced one of my rituals, and you might think that it’s a little weird, but that’s okay. All I want you to do, if you can, is to keep your mind and heart open because you could have a magical, mystical, wonderful experience. And if you don’t, at least you’ll have had an interesting experience so your life won’t be just water polo and insurance!”

              “I’ll do my best,” said James. Emma smiled at him, relieved. She had never fully shared with James some of Louee’s odder quirks and obsessions with all things spiritual, and was hoping he would just be patient and understanding.

              “No, this is great. I’ll get to know the Louee my girl knows and loves,” and he put his arm around Emma.

              “James. We each have to sit apart in a triangle, each of us making one of the points.”

              “Oh, sure, that makes sense.” he said trying to be a good participant by taking his arm off of Emma’s shoulder and moving to create the third point. “Sorry.”

              “No problem. It’s all good. I’m so glad to have your love and your masculine energy here in my room.” She closed her eyes, and put her hands on her knees with her thumb and middle finger touching. James looked at Emma quizzically. She nodded that he should do it too. Her fingers were already in the pose and she was ready to close her eyes. James closed his eyes and then opened one to see what was happening.”

              Louee began. “Take in a deep breath and let out any old and stale energy from the day.” She took her own deep breath and let it out with a sigh. “Now, take in another deep breath and feel the energy in your body. Focus on your heart. Feel the blood moving through your veins. Feel the joy that is there. Oh Goddess Mother, Spirits of Light, Angels and Guides, we ask that you bless us all. Bless me, Emma, James, our friends and families who are with us in our hearts. Bless all the Souls who have inhabited this room in the past, and clear from this space any old energy making room for everything that is new and wonderful for me, Judy, and anyone else who might share this space with us on all levels. We are so grateful for your guidance and your blessings. Amen.”

She began to chant the Ohm, and Emma chanted along. James’ eyes popped open  and he closed them quickly and quietly also began to chant. After five or six times, Louee began to speak again. “Thank you angles and guardians. We embark upon this blessing with gratitude and loving.”

              Louee opened her eyes and smiled at James and Emma. Their eyes were already open.

“That was really lovely,” said Emma. I really felt the energy that time. More than I ever have before.”

“That’s fantastic Emma,” said Louee. She grabbed her hand and squeezed it as a broad smile played upon her face. I’m sad that Kate and Georgie couldn’t be here, but it’s wonderful to have you here James. I’m so happy you’re with us. Thank you for agreeing.

“My pleasure. Are we done?”

“Oh no! We’ve just started! First I place the stone and then we smudge. THEN we can go to dinner knowing that all is well.  Would you two please sit there and either out loud or inside, chant the ohm while I place the stones?”

“Sure,” said Emma enthusiastically. James looked at her. He didn’t quite know this Emma.

Louee gasped and her eyes widened. “Why don’t you sit knee to knee and hold hands. I think that would add some wonderful relationship energy into my room!”

They did as they were bidden. Louee took the pouch and carefully took the stones one at a time and placed them in a clockwise direction starting with the door. She hummed softly and had a dreamy look on her face as she chose each stone specifically for each spot. When she was done she counted the stones left. She closed her eyes, chose three from the bag, and placed them in front of the door. Her forehead wrinkled as she looked at the three stones. Out of the remaining stones, she gave one to James, one to Emma, and kept one for  herself. “These are for you to keep. I’ll tell you about them at dinner.”

“Angeles of light and life be with us now as we cleans any old, stuck energy, and strengthen the positive, loving energy that is already in this place.”

She gave them each a stick of Sage and they followed her lead, lighting the tips of the greenish blue leafs in the candles. Before long there were three glowing tips of light emanating thin streams of sage smoke. Louee stood up, joyful but solemn. Okay, just follow my lead. Say what I say. First we’ll stand in the center together, then we’ll turn our backs to each other and walk out from where we are. Take your sage stick and run it along the surfaces of the walls and furniture. Don’t touch the sage to anything, but just let the smoke touch the surfaces so that it will release from the wood and other surfaces whatever is not appropriate for the current energy of the room. Make sure you don’t step on the stones. Oh. Let’s take our shoes off and smudge them first. Like this.” She demonstrated running the smoking stick around the shoes as she held them one at a time. She then smudged an area near the wall and put her shoes there. James and Emma followed suit. James would roll his eyes and smirk whenever he caught Emma’s eyes and Louee wasn’t looking. Emma would look at him sternly as if to say, stop it, be serious. This is important to her. Shoes placed against the wall, the threesome, backs together raised their smudge sticks in the air in front of them.

“Okay, just say what I say after I say it, okay?”

“Sure,” said James.

“Okay,” said Emma.

“Holy of holies we ask for your presence here today.”

“Holy of holies we ask for your presence here today.” Louee continued, and Emma and James repeated after her.

“We thank you for loving presence and for the work you are doing through us now.”

This went on for way too long according to the look on James’ face and the tone of his voice.”

“And so be it,” declared Louee.

“And so be it,” repeated Emma and James.

“Now we move out away from each other and smudge the areas we are near. Move in a counter clockwise direction until you wind up back where you started. Take your time. Be in touch with your heart and your inner healer. Even though you two won’t be living here, you’ll still benefit from this ritual. It will help guide you when you are back home embarking upon your own next step journeys.

The three of them went around the room smudging. Louee was so involved that she didn’t notice what Emma and James were doing. James was pretending to be a ballerina and tippy toeing as if he were Tinkerbelle with a wand. Emma would sometimes see him and admonish him with a finger wagging, but it took all of her self-control not to burst out laughing, especially since when he caught her eye he also added exaggerated facial expressions.

At one point Louee, exuberant with her own process, turned to see her friends who immediately went back to serious smudging. Louee saw the quick movements and assumed that they were just enthusiastically smudging their portions and it made her smile. She took a deep breath, put her hand to her heart and kept working on her own section.

Louee started to sing her favorite Beach Boy’s song over the mystical music on her tape recorder…

There's a world where I can go 

              Emma smiled and joined in with her…”

And tell my secrets to
In my room
In my room

In this world I lock out
All my worries and my fears
In my room
In my room

Do my dreaming and my scheming lie awake and pray
Do my crying and my sighing laugh at yesterday 

              They were back where they started and Louee began to make up her own words as she turned off the cassette player.

Now it's dark but I’M WITH FRIENDS
SO I’LL NOT BE AFRAID

In my room
In my room 

I’m so glad that you are here

I never will forget
My dear friends
My dear friends.

              She embraced them both and started to cry. “I’m going to miss you guys so much. I love you so much. Thank you for being here with me.”

              Emma’s eyes started to tear up and the threesome broke up and Emma and Louee embraced “Any time you need me, you just call. I’m just a phone call away. You’re going to have a great year Louee. Enjoy yourself. Find your passion here and follow it. You’re so good at that anyway.”

              James cleared his voice. “Can we break up this little love fest. We have stinky, burning sticks in our hands. What do you want to do with these Louee other than trying to set each others’ hair on fire?” He had removed the burning sage plants from each of their hands while they were embraced one another and rocking from side to side.

              “You’re so practical, James! I’m glad you agreed to come with us!” said Louee, tears staining her face. She dried her eyes with the back of her hand. “Dinner. Let’s go find some  pizza or something.”

              “Thank God!” said James. “What do you want to do with the stones that are all over the place, especially the ones that are in front of the door.”

              “Oh, I need to leave them over night. We can move the ones out from in front of the door. We’ll put them back in front of the door when we come back.”

              “You know, since Judy isn’t coming in till tomorrow, if you want to have a chance to be alone in your room,” said Emma, “James and I can leave after dinner.”

              “No! I want you to share my space tonight. We’ll go out for a nice breakfast in morning, my treat, and then you can go home.”

“My stomach is not very happy right now; it needs to eat something,” James said pretending to be the Frankenstein monster, hands outstretched and coming for the girls!”

              “Okay, okay, we’re going!” said Louee laughing and running out of his reach. “I’ll meet you at the elevator. I just want to make sure everything is set before I leave the room,” she said. Emma and James, hand-in-hand walked down the hall toward the elevator. Louee blew out the candles, made sure the sage sticks were no longer burning and placed everything back on the tray in the middle of the room. She then raised her hands and face up toward the sky, closed her eyes and a little shudder ran through her body. With a smile on her face she said, “And it is done!” She looked joyfully around the little room obviously delighted with everything she was seeing, walked out of the room, locked the door, and joined her friends at the elevator.