More Purple

Foreclosures, job losses, anti-Semitism, hate speak, divorce, amber alerts… Too much horrible stuff, and unfortunately, that seems to be what most of the media and many people want to focus on. One could be led to think that nothing good is happening anywhere, and yet there is good – lots of it. Many people are happy; even if their life situations aren’t idealic or even, in some cases, good. Two recent events have proven to me that I have grown, that I have actually been able to take past unpleasantnesses and turn them into the proverbial lemonade.

The first was a youth production of Les Mis Company in Los Angeles. In the production was the 16 year old daughter of my ex-husband’s second ex-wife (I am the first). Attending the performance were said ex-wife, our mutual ex-husband, and his wife-to-be number three. The actress’s biological father was in attendance as well, though his current wife was not there as she had already seen the production and only the biological parents are required to attend all 400 performances.

There was lots of laughter and happy bantering and one would think we were just a collection of good friends out for a nice afternoon. Which, I guess, we were. We are a motley crew who like each other and get along. We have defied the odds.

The second event was the wedding of communal ex-husband, who has proven his desire to keep trying this well-worn institution. Ex-Wife Number Two will more than likely marry again as they are both incurable romantics who want to be in relationships. I am an incurable hermit who actually enjoys being alone.

When my ex-husband called to tell me he was dating someone who he discovered I knew (though not well), I was excited and happy for them both. I liked this woman a great deal when I met her a year earlier. When he called again months later to say they had decided to get married, I, in a moment of insanity, invited myself to their wedding (I did NOT attend wedding number two – too close – not enough time had passed).

After hanging up and realizing what I had done, fear, regret, and nervousness began to bubble up. Several days later I finally called back, apologized, and offered to rescind my self-invitation. I did not want to cause any unpleasantness. I was told that because Third-Wife-To-Be liked me, she was fine with my attending. Her parents were a little confused, but not so uncomfortable they couldn’t accept it.

Despite the tangled web of relationships, all the players from all the various marriages do get along. After my divorce, the most important factor to me was that whatever woman Ex-Husband dated and perchance married, MUST love, appreciate, respect, and enjoy our daughter. It is an added bonus, through lots of personal growth work that I was determined to get along with them as well (though I didn’t have to LOVE them).

Ex-Wife Number Two liked and still likes our daughter. They still spend time together in person and on the phone. In the early days that made me a neurotic and jealous. What if Offspring liked Wife Number Two better? But the loving, kind, and thoughtful relationship which was, I had to constantly remind myself, a requirement of mine for a second wife for Ex-Husband was a much better option than the alternative. There are a plethora of examples of blended families that are disasters, and I have heard too many stories of blended families who appear to be doing fine, but when un-blending occurs, leave behind casualties called children. Children who have been thrown into a difficult situation to start with, but then come to grips with it because they are kindly embraced by the new spouse should not then be abandoned by said EX-spouse. It is horrible.

The 16 year old daughter of Ex-Wife number two has known my ex since she was three. They lived in the same house for many more years than his biological child had. Ex-Step Child is still important in both Ex-Husband and Offspring’s lives. Ex-Step Child is the only sister Offspring has known, and even though they have neither parent in common, which if fairytales are to be believed should be a difficult and disastrous relationship, they get along. They love and appreciate and enjoy each others’ company. Ex-Step-Sister flew to New York for Offspring’s college graduation and we all had a fantastic time together.

Ex-Step Child was, of course, also at the wedding though her mother was not. Too close. Not enough time had yet passed. The wedding was fantastic. It was fun and enjoyable to spend time with old friends, and to enjoy this new familial blending.

Ex-Step Child wore purple which is the preferred color of the bride. In a conversation in her and Ex-Husband’s apartment she said to me “There is not enough purple in the world.” When she made that statement, there was a look of pure delight on her face and true joy in her voice. Purple to her is an indication that all is right with the world. Purple is the proof that all is well.

Offspring, who was listed in the wedding program as ‘the best person/daughter’ also wore purple as did the mother-of-the-bride and the matron of honor, though the bride – because this is her first and hopefully last marriage – wore white.

I donned a purple blouse because I agree, we need more purple in the world.